This is me. Hi. Nice to meet you. Most of my life I’ve been a seeker. Someone who’s willing take a look at my personal baggage, get help and work on it. Work, being the operative word. I’m methodical, disciplined, result-oriented. (A total Virgo, right?) I have always believed you could change your life if you just worked hard enough and willed it to be.
Four years ago my divorce rocked me to my core and set my course in a new direction. I had worked so hard at my marriage, yet ultimately, it failed. I became a single working mother, in uncharted territory. I was ready to roll up my sleeves and do my work to create and fight for happiness in all facets of my life: work, family, love, myself.
Traditional therapy had been my avenue of choice, and it served me well. Until last year. I had hit a wall. I was repeatedly picking love relationships with unavailable men. (I’m sure I’m the only woman guilty of this, right?) and I had had enough.
Frustrated and wondering what I needed to to do, I turned to my friend M. M is a seeker too, and a little further along the hippy dippy spiritual trail than I am. When we began talking about these experiences, and as I’ve explored and grown, she’s become a valuable sounding board and guide. Some might think we’re kooky, but truth be told, we are well within the norm here in LaLaland. Over cocktails and tacos, M suggested that maybe I hadn’t allowed myself to heal past wounds. “What wounds?” I thought. “Haven’t I already fixed those? I mean, what the hell have I been doing all these years if those wounds aren’t healed by now?”
Healing. I had assumed that healing would just happen as a naturally occurring by product of hard work. I must have healed at some point along the way, right? How could I have not? Hmmm.
The shift in my thinking from “working on” to “healing myself” has been significant, and it’s why I decided to start this blog. You can’t force healing or will it to be. Scabs don’t fall off because you’ve worked hard on them. Healing occurs when you care for your wounds and ALLOW them to heal. When you pick a scab repeatedly, you end up with a scar. Forever marked by unwillingness to let yourself heal. My life has taken a significant turn since embracing healing, and allowing change, rather than forcing it.
I know, I know what you you’re thinking. Ew. Spiritual mumbo-jumbo. Is this going to be some preachy-mopey-psycho babble-new age-healing-oh my god she’s so L.A.-hippy dippy kind of blog?
All I can say is…maybe? It’s a skeptic’s journey into the unknown. The fun, scary, enlightening, surprising and just plain big. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone and exploring what it really means to live large. Adventures. Food. Travel. Love. I hope you’ll join me and share your own too.
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